A successful  “mentoring relationship” is not the result of getting someone anointed as your mentor. Rather, it’s the result of building a genuine connection with someone who is in a position to give you helpful career advice over a sustained period of time. “Designated mentorships” often fall short of expectations. And often, someone who doesn’t have the title of “mentor” is actually the person who provides you with critical career advice.
 
Don’t think that only a woman can give you valuable mentoring advice. She may be hard to find. Most women who are in a position to be mentors are overwhelmed with requests from younger women to be their mentors. There just aren’t enough senior women to fill the need of women for mentors.
 
You can get mentoring advice from more than one mentor. You can get valuable mentoring advice on different topics from a variety of people. You can get advice from one person about how to navigate office politics. You can get advice from another person about juggling work and home responsibilities. You can get advice from a third person about refining your presentation skills. Some of the people who can give you valuable advice are men; some are your peers who have just dealt with a similar challenge; some are people outside of your company. Look for people that you admire for their style, their skills, their accomplishments, or their work-life balance. Tap into their areas of expertise. Mentoring advice can also come from workshops, books, articles, and my favorite, podcasts. 
 
Ask specific questions or ask for specific advice. The most common complaint I hear from mentors is how unfocused requests for advice are.

• Instead of asking: “What advice do you have for me about getting promoted?” Ask: “How should I prepare for the meeting where I ask my boss for a promotion?”
• Instead of asking: “Now that I am managing people, what advice do you have for me?” Ask: “How should I spend the first 90 days in my job as a new manager?” Or ask: “What are three pieces of advice that you would give to someone who is pivoting from an individual contributor role to a management role?”

Do the lion’s share of the work. Schedule the time and location of the meetings, prepare the agenda, do your homework about your request in advance, and bring the coffee. Your mentor’s time is valuable. Make sure that you use it as efficiently and effectively as possible. Express your appreciation for the time they are investing in you.
 
Circle back to let your mentor know how her or his advice played out. This is the best way to keep your mentor engaged and committed to helping you.