In my conversation with Susan Bird in Episode 49, How to Talk to Anyone, one of her key points was to have a great conversation you need to be curious and ask questions. Like Susan, I think thought-provoking questions, based on genuine curiosity, are the precursor to a great conversation. It’s a great way to learn something about the other person and to start to build a relationship with them.   
 
It turns out there is actual research to support our point of view. A study found that “people who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners”.  Follow-up questions especially increase how much you are liked because they show you’re listening and actually care about what the person is saying.
 
I love great questions that really get the conversation flowing. I even collect them in a folder I have titled “Questions”. The questions range from ones I would ask a stranger to those I might ask someone I know better. Here are a few of them (with possible follow-up questions in parentheses):

• As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? (How did you decide to do what you do now?)
• What’s your proudest accomplishment? (Why is that?)
• Of all the jobs you’ve ever had, which was the worst? (What made it so bad?)
• What books are on your nightstand or on your Kindle right now? (Why did you pick those?)
• What’s one thing I would be surprised to learn about you? (Tell me more.)
• Where did you grow up? (Would you ever consider moving back there?)
• What’s your superpower? (What superpower do you wish you had?)
• Where is your “happy place”? (What about it makes it so happy?)
• What did you listen to on the way to work today? (What will you listen to on the way home?)
• How do you describe to your relatives what you do for a living? (Do they get it?)
• What is the luckiest thing that ever happened to you? (How did that turn out?)
• What’s your favorite possession? (Why?)
• And then there’s the one I always ask: What’s the best advice that someone has ever given you? (Did you follow it?)

Do you have a favorite question you ask to start a conversation? Please send it to me at holtz@tomyyounger.me  and I’ll share them in a future newsletter.
 
This week’s challenge:  Use one of these questions to start a conversation with someone. Notice how the conversation develops. Was it richer than if you had asked “what’s new”?