For many of us, our default response when someone makes a request - to attend a meeting, to plan an event, to head up a project - is to say “yes.” But this automatic response may mean that we spend time doing something which is not a priority – and which precludes spending time on something that is. A key career skill is learning to say 
“no,” so you can say “yes” to what matters. Here are the three steps to making your response to a request a well-thought out one.

1. Don’t make “yes" your default response
The first step in honoring your priorities is to not make “yes” your default response. It’s perfectly legitimate to give yourself time to reflect on whether to agree or not to a request that will take a significant amount of time. All you need to say is: “Let me think about it” or “Let me get back to you on that.”

2. Evaluate the impact of saying “yes”

Now that you have bought yourself some time to decide whether to say “yes” or “no”, consider what you are giving up by saying "yes". Will an important but non-urgent work project not get done in a timely manner? Will time you want to invest in a nurturing a relationship be short-circuited? Will exercise or time to yourself fall by the wayside?

What is the benefit of saying “yes”? Will it move you towards an important goal of yours or just be a drain on your time? Will it provide you visibility to someone you would like to impress, or will it just be “office housework” that will go unnoticed?

Think about how it turned out when you said “yes” to a similar request in the past. Were you happy that you said “yes”? The last time that you agreed to participate in the summer intern program did it enhance your leadership skills or was it a frustrating experience? Did you enjoy baking cookies for the bake sale and did anyone notice that they weren't store-bought?

Ask yourself: would you do it tomorrow? Because eventually, it will be tomorrow. Too often, we say “yes” to things that are going to happen in the future because we think we’ll have more time then. But the truth is, the future usually doesn't look very different than the present. The time-pressure you are feeling today will likely be the same in the future. Whatever the constraints are on doing it tomorrow are probably the same as the constraints that you'll feel six months from now. If the answer tomorrow would be “no”, the answer should be “no” today.

3. Say no graciously
Thank the requester for the opportunity. Explain why you need to say “no” (share your “yes”). Help them achieve their goal without doing the requested action, if that’s possible. Suggest someone else who might be able to help them or provide them a resource which will make their task easier. Offer to help in the future when you are not as busy. Suggest that you can help with part of the project, just not the whole thing.

When faced with a request to take on a project or other undertaking, make sure that your “yes” is a well-thought out “yes.” Your time is limited; make sure you are spending it wisely. When faced with a request to take on a project or other undertaking, make sure that your “yes” is a well-thought out “yes.” Your time is limited; make sure you are spending it wisely.